Not only did 2020 dispel the viscous rumor that I don’t have a green thumb and graciously taught me how to grow all things green, it unveiled the power behind cultivating intentionality, self-love and solitude. As a self-proclaimed serial monogamous, lover of love, flirt of all flirts and a true dating enthusiast, in 2018 I took the brave step to pause my dating life. Exceeding the two year mark, the tiny break has lasted longer than most of my relationships. Jokes on me! On this day that is supposed to be about celebrating romantic love with gifts of chocolate, jewelry and all things red and pink I am celebrating, like I do each day, my ability to know and love thyself.
To those who insist that I start dating again, know this…my life is full and I am OK with my singleness, you should be too. I am open to meeting someone, but have absolutely no desire to date virtually having had at least 5 long distance relationships. I have been dating virtually for over a decade, unintentionally. So…….I am good, thanks! I can wait until we get our freedom pass.
They say romantic relationships give you greater insight into your own growth, but so does taking a step back to reflect, heal and to cultivate quietude and solitude. My last serious relationship revealed all my wounds, baggage, attachments and insecurities. Feeling undateable and emotionally unavailable I went on a journey to acquaint myself with self-compassion and self-love, this somehow allowed me to passionately tango with loneliness. Understanding the root of my loneliness lead me, to my surprise, the opportunity to genuinely cultivate solitude. Through my blogs you accompanied me on the healing process as I KonMari’d my life and embraced the practices of Ayurveda and Feng Shui. What you didn’t see was the personal relationships I nurtured/cut off, the hours of quietude, therapy, daily gratitude practice, the books I read, yoga, and the meditation and mindfulness practice that helped ground me.
Yes, I have moments of loneliness, but they are only moments. Loneliness no longer lingers for days and weeks; it does however sometimes appear in my subconscious as a storyline in a dream. I translate those moments to be gentle reminders to authentically connect with the world. Nowadays, intentionality has become my closest homie! Having become more intentional about my life, choices and friendships has lead me to a healthy relationship with intentionality. When I made the decision not to date I was unconsciously choosing to invest in me and reciprocal friendships. This game changer gave me more time and space to laugh, dance and cry with people who I truly want to share time and space with. Note…..there is power in releasing that which no longer serves you.
As many struggled in self-isolation I joyfully took this time to enjoy my own company. It was as if I went back to my childhood in California to hang out with my imaginary friends I left behind when I moved to the Bluegrass state. Somehow on this journey to adulthood I forgot how much I enjoyed time with those friends and playing by myself. LOL Somehow, the introvert in me was overshadowed by my efforts to strive to be an extrovert to ensure I was no longer ignored and looked over. Somehow I allowed the men I dated to clip my wings and steal/still my joy. Somehow along the way I lifted others up without seeing my own value and worth. So, I say thank you to breakups, loneliness and self-isolation; they taught me the power of cultivating intentionality, self-love and solitude. By truly loving myself I am now better able to freely love others without sacrificing my own self-worth. Now that’s true love….
Photo by Rejoice Jones. Cuba 2019